Let the potty training begin

Posted in Potty Training
by Alicia Castelli

I read everything I could get my hands on about babies when I was expecting our first child. I paid particular attention to articles about sleeping, potty training and feeding. I figured these three areas would encompass the majority of my world for a while, and I wasn’t far off base.

The first few months still seem like a blur of spit-up, stale milk, and soiled diapers. Flipping through photo albums and watching one of our many, many videotapes proved I had other kinds of interaction with our son, but I was so sleep deprived that I had few clear memories of them.

(That’s a whole other column anyway.)

I read suggestions on how to toilet train, and many seemed to involve some sort of reward system. I was sure, however, that patience and diligence would win the day and bribery would not be needed. It was all in the approach. Surely these other parents had done something wrong if they were resorting to bribery.

Surely parents with our educational and professional backgrounds could teach our brilliant little 2-year-old to use a toilet? Surely after two years of being a parent, I should have known better.

“I KNOW we’re being clear. I KNOW he understands what to do! Why can’t we get this child to use the toilet?” I wailed in despair to my husband while clutching fistfuls of my hair.

We introduced our son to the training potty at about 20 months of age, and let him see it and play with it as the experts had recommended. At 2, we explained to him what the potty was for and began placing him on it.

Our son recoiled in horror. No sooner did his bare bottom make contact and he’d be up and running, naked from the waist down, to seek refuge – or at least a good hiding place.

After a few days, I could get him to sit on the potty for up to five seconds, but he refused to hold – ahem – himself pointing down into the toilet. Thanks to unbelievable timing and bad karma, I had several frantic incidents and some extra laundry.

For four more months, he refused to use his “special potty” and I finally caved. I bought the giant poster board, the colorful markers and – gulp – the stickers. I was desperate. What if our little genius turned 3 and still wasn’t toilet trained?

The stickers and special chart worked for all of two days. After another couple of weeks of trying, (and finding stickers on every piece of furniture we owned), we sold our souls. If our son could earn just one sticker a day on his chart, at the end of each week he’d get a toy from a grab bag filled with toys from the dollar store.

A dollar a week measured against our son’s self-esteem (and the money we were spending on pull-ups) took away some of the stench of failure.

Parents are nothing short of inspiring when it comes to the art of rationalization. Clearly, we had done something wrong in this process and we were prepared to do anything to correct the situation.

The toy thing worked for nearly two months. Our son would use his little potty almost every evening before his bath, and occasionally at least one other time during the day. And it had only taken us eight months!

There were good moments, though. Our son transitioned from potty chair, to potty seat, to adult toilet all on his own. He loved being able to climb up all by himself. We just wished he’d actually USE it once in a while.

Next enticement – big boy underpants. Blues Clues and Buzz Lightyear underpants made their way into his sock drawer where they remained, untouched. Our son stopped using the toilet altogether at 2 ½ years old.

We hit the books once again and were relieved to learn that this was, apparently, nothing to be concerned about.

Experts advised that we stop the process, wait a few months and try again. So while our research alleviated our immediate concerns, it did not change the fact that toilet training would have to begin all over again.

Where had we gone wrong?