I Want Your Opinion!!

Posted in Mom Stuff
by Alicia Castelli

I know a woman whose mother comes one day a week and takes her two children for the day so this woman can get a break from the kids.  I know several women whose parents take the kids on the weekends on a regular basis.  I know of one rare case where both sets of grandparents are local and apparently they fight over who gets to take the grandkids on the weekends and during school holidays.  I know another woman whose sister will occasionally take her kids for an evening so she and her husband can go out.

Now maybe these grandparents are the exception, I don’t know.  Maybe they understand the added benefit this “break” gives the parents.  Parents need time to be alone together to be a couple and NOT parents every once in awhile.  Not everyone can afford to pay a babysitter, pay to go out and pay for the gas to take you where you want to go.  Since I only saw my husband four days a month, we really needed time alone together.  Even if we just parked the car somewhere and had an uninterrupted conversation.  Additionally, I needed a break from the other 26 days of the month I was on my own.

My parents were quick to point out when the house was messy and the laundry was piling up, but they never once called me up to say “how about you take off for an hour or so and we’ll watch the kids so you can get a little break.”  My mother did come over a few times to help me get caught up on the housework or laundry which is no small thing believe me!

I’ve been living without my husband for nearly a year.  He’s been down in Marietta while we waited for our house there to sell or for my husband to find a job here.  We got tired of having the family separated and my husband is moving here this weekend.  But for the past year, I’ve been basically on my own with my three young children.

My sister took my two boys a couple times for several hours.  My father took my oldest child a couple times to build a birdhouse and go out to lunch.  My mother has babysat many times, but that was so I could work.  I’m a full time real estate agent and frequently work evenings and weekends showing property.  She did babysit once back in September so my husband and I could go out for our anniversary.

Everyone in my family commiserates with me about how hard this last year has been for me being on my own with three little kids while working.  Yet the only person who has offered to take ALL THREE of our kids so my husbad and I could have a little time alone together was a friend of mine up the street.  Our kids live at each others’ houses and we have become very good friends this past year.

No one in my family has ever offered to come over and watch the kids for an hour or two so I could get away for a little breather, or to take them somewhere so I could get a little time alone in the house.  Which I probably would have used to clean without having one or more child hanging on my legs or clamoring for my attention.  Who am I kidding?  I would have taken a bubble bath.

Now in my family’s defense – I haven’t asked anyone for this kind of help.  It goes against my grain to ask for help, but I can’t help being a little hurt that no one has seen how much I’ve been struggling and offered to help.  An hour at the beach with a book would have made all the difference in the world some days.

My brother and his wife both work and have two small children of their own and live 45 minutes away so I never expected anything of this sort from them, but have I been expecting too much from the rest of my family?  Am I being unfair?  I put myself in this situation by deciding to move ahead of my husband after all.  I’d really like to hear your opinions.  Do I deserve a break?