Backlash to birthday mania

Posted in Birthday stuff
by besttech

Aisha Sultan St. Louis Post-Dispatch

Mandy’s mom fretted that her daughter’s sixth birthday party was getting boring and, as a result, out-of-hand. After waiting in line for a pony ride around the block, many of the pint-sized guests had lost interest. They had started running wild in the house (the kids, not the ponies).

Her sister reminded her that at birthday parties when they were little girls they played pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. And it was a picture of a donkey. On a piece of paper. Yet it managed to entertain a generation of kiddie partygoers. But no more.

Party entertainment has to be original and supersized. The goody bags are on steroids. And the decorations are fit for a Barbie Dream wedding.

It’s hard to throw a child’s birthday for less than $300.

I’ll confess: Once I spent twice that amount on a single party. Not only was it a ridiculous amount of money, but it also required a solid month of preparation and home-made decorations. The night before my daughter’s third birthday, I was up until 1 a.m. sticking “jewel” gumdrops on princess plates and tying pink tulle bows on the backs of 25 chairs.

My name is Aisha, and I have a birthday party problem.

I’m hardly alone. Dr. Atif Shafqat, a St. Louis oncologist, has argued with his wife (also a doctor) for years about the culture of excessive birthday parties.

They host their own parties for their three children. Many weekends they hit the birthday party circuit. Once, a limo took their grade-schooler for a makeover party. In a time-crunched culture, birthday parties gobble up precious hours on weekends, not to mention the constant gift-giving.

“You can’t tell people not to have parties,” Shafqat said. “And when you’ve gone to theirs, how can you say no to your own?”

It’s not surprising that the madness surrounding birthdays has sparked a backlash. Shafqat discovered a like-minded community at www.birthdayswithoutpressure.com, a site that says the current birthday party culture fosters a sense of entitlement among children and teaches “me-me-me” consumer values.

Beyond keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, lavish birthday parties play to parents’ wish to create perfect memories. Maybe we try to make up for the chaos of the rest of the year when we’re busy driving from one activity to the next, rushing through breakfast and dinner on the go. So, when their birthdays come along, we stage a big apology — uh, party — for them.

Shafqat has shown a few people the subversive website, but he’s not sure they got the message. “They thought I’m really cheap,” he said.

Birthday party reform will have to start with expectant parents.

But maybe these tough economic times are right to start a retro trend in birthdays. We could rediscover the joy in simple celebrations that focus on family and friends rather than toys, trinkets and movie-themed fantasies.

Recently, we stopped at a McDonald’s at a small town in rural Missouri. I couldn’t help but notice a little birthday party set up in a corner booth. The kids were bouncing around the play area, having a great time.

It’s the first low-key party I’ve seen in a fast-food joint since my own 9th birthday at Burger King decades ago. The kids didn’t seem to mind that Ronald was made of plastic, rather than a real-life circus clown making balloon animals. And the parents sure looked pretty relaxed.

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Aisha Sultan is a columnist for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Contact her at asultan@post-dispatch.com.