Mom’s hamster wheel

Posted in Mom Stuff
by besttech

Lori L. NEW JERSEY MOMS BLOG

It’s a beautiful summer morning. Two of my kids just got on the camp bus, my 14-year old is out, and I have the house to myself.

I look out my window and think about taking a walk or doing yoga outside. But then I think of “The List.” You know the one — the same one you have in your datebook, on scraps of paper, or like me, in your journal. The list that says things like: “grocery shop, get school supplies, call the allergist, dentist, pediatrician, orthodontist for appts., go through closets and see who’s grown out of what, figure out what clothes shopping needs to be done, do laundry, arrange for a babysitter for the weekend,” and so on … and on … and on …

My list has grown to epic proportions.

It includes things my own mom never had to contend with. Of course she too, had errands and appointments. But it seems to me that where she was done, is where I am just beginning. For instance, when I was a kid, I had a choice: I could stay after school and do gymnastics, or come home and take piano. If I stayed after school, I took the late bus home. My sister had ice-skating lessons once a week, and my brother was on a basketball team that my father coached.

Contrast that with my oldest son JL, who plays guitar, piano and drums. Because he wants to go to music college, he is in the high school marching band, and “regular” school band. During the school year I drive him to school three mornings a week at 6:30 a.m. for band. There are additional practices three times a week in the afternoon, once on weekends, Friday and Saturday night games to perform at, competitions to attend, rehearsals that stray way past their promised ending time, and mandatory parent participation time. Throw in piano lessons, guitar workshops and private drum lessons — just thinking about it makes me need a vacation.

I once did the math and realized that JL spends 26 hours a week on average at music activities. And it all adds up to a lot of time for me, behind the wheel.

It doesn’t end in summer. Instead of the long lazy summer days I had as a child, JL worked a lot this summer, playing for a community band — ½ hour away, each Wednesday night in July. And every Monday night found me scrambling for something to do with myself — and two other kids — during his mandatory three-hour band rehearsal that ended at 10 p.m. — way past my 9-year-old’s tolerance level, let alone bedtime. Sandwiched in-between that was a trip he took out west to a snowboarding camp, 10 days of mandatory marching band camp, and other band rehearsals, scattered on top of it all, like sprinkles on ice cream.

And that’s just one kid. Add in two other kids, and a husband who means well, but has a full-time job, and it’s no wonder I feel slightly panicked before I’m even out of bed in the morning. Being a mom has become about constant time management.

What’s a busy mom to do? On one hand, we are influenced by the collective energy of our society, which posits that in order to keep up, we have to build our kids’ resumes. Less is no longer more. Peer pressure dictates that casual participation gets you a seat on the bench. My middle son loves soccer and baseball, and karate, and science and art and politics. When I was growing up he would have been fondly referred to a “Jack-of-All Trades, Master of None.” At 12, I think that’s exactly what he should be. Childhood used to be a time to try things out. But current times demand that if you’re on a team and you’re not among the best, you’re trying how it feels to be left out, more than how the wind feels in your hair as you run down the soccer field. Being part of a team or a class requires commitment worthy of an Olympian. And a lot of driving.

So far my middle child has opted out of the rat race of traveling teams and is actively resisting the three-year commitment they want from him at karate. But how much longer can I allow him to stop and smell the flowers of childhood before the demands of doing what it takes to get into a good college overtakes us?

School hasn’t even started and I’m already asking myself, how do I get off the hamster wheel and still get everyone where they need to go?

Maybe we’re asking ourselves the wrong question. When I’m confused about parenting, I always think of something that was written in my yearbook by a driver’s ed teacher: “Remember to always view the total traffic picture,” he said. When I think of the road my kids have ahead of them, and picture what kind of qualities I want them to have as adults, “stressed out” isn’t one of them. I want for them what I want for myself. Love, contentment, and balance; a good marriage and a job they love, that generates enough money to live nicely on. I want them to be kind, to feel kindness from others, and to help make this world better in their own way. And rushing from one thing to another isn’t the path. So in the midst of trying to juggle our modern lives, I’m trying to build in some time to slow down. I want my kids to have time for contemplation, introspection, and yes, even boredom. But they’re not going to unless I do it first. I’ve learned that the best way to get in touch with my inner self is to reconnect to the present moment. To pare down to the basics. To do something I love. To meditate, or write, or make a piece of art. To be in nature. That’s why chances are, if you’re looking for me this morning, you’ll find me on my deck doing my sun salutations and remembering to breathe.

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This is an original post from the New Jersey Moms Blog (http://www.newjerseymomsblog.com).