The high cost of company

Posted in Mom Stuff
by besttech

By David Mott SILICON VALLEY MOMS BLOG

As a single dad with half-time custody, I straddle the worlds of parenting and dating. One night I’m helping my son with math homework, or discussing Hawthorne’s use of light and darkness with my daughter. The next night I’m on a date with a woman I just met, wondering if we’ll hook up for a night, or even go out again. (Note to married people: be happy and grateful you have someone to sleep with every night!)

This could lead to a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality disorder, except for one thing — a great set of friends. Oh, sure, it sometimes takes a bit of effort to sync up friends’ availability with my single-parent custody schedule, but after that we find plenty of fun things to do. I have friends for sailing, skiing, wine tasting and joining me for concerts. I have friends for coffee dates, vodka martini nights and dinner parties.

The problem? All those activities cost money! What happened to just hanging out?

For instance:

— A friend and I went wine tasting at a local wine bar. It was super fun. We caught up with each other, and chatted with a handful of other customers, munched on a cheese plate, and enjoyed a few glasses of Napa cabernet. The bill? Fifty bucks each! (This is Silicon Valley, so nights out aren’t cheap. It’s probably in line with Manhattan.)

— Sailing the San Francisco Bay is a treat. A group of friends and I get try to get out once a month during sailing season. But a day sailing a 32-foot yacht can be expensive. There’s the cost of the boat rental, drinks and sandwiches, chips and pretzels, a bag of circus animal cookies, and of course a cocktail or two at Sam’s in Tiburon. We easily drop a hundred bucks each.

— I often get together for coffee with a single mom friend. It’s fun to chat, compare parenting notes, talk about the dating scene. A few venti lattes and muffins don’t cost that much, but a coffee date friendship adds up over the course of a month.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the company of friends. As a single parent working from home, adult conversation is precious. But as someone paying a mortgage by myself, and running a household solo, I’d be thrilled for someone to just drop by and hang out.

In Italy, friends drop by your house all the time for a cup of coffee and a homemade biscotti or two. Here in Silicon Valley, none of my friends drops by for anything. It’s just not in our genetic make-up. We plan our get-togethers weeks in advance. Either I hang out solo, or I head out and spend.

Even staying in can have a price. Sometimes for dinner party potlucks the host will tell me – “David, you’re a single dad, and you already cook every night. Give yourself a break from cooking. Rather than preparing a dish, why don’t you bring a few bottles of wine!”

Great. Instead of spending $5 to make lentil pasta or $10 for pulled pork, I’ll drop $40 to bring two bottles of Sonoma Merlot.

The cost of company isn’t cheap, especially during this economic downturn. But no matter the cost, one thing is certain — friendships are priceless.

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This is an original post from the Silicon Valley Moms Blog, http://www.svmoms.com. David Mott authors the blog Dad’s House — Dating and Parenting by a Single Dad (http://dadshouseblog.com/). He is a cofounder of the Single Parents Connection Facebook group (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid

22920523770).