Daddy’s boy

Posted in Mom Stuff
by besttech

Over the past month it’s become increasingly apparent that I no longer hold reign over my 3-year-old’s heart.

Daddy is now officially the end all, be all for our son and I’m having to learn to content myself with whatever scraps of affection he throws my way. And I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m feeling a little heart-bruised about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for my husband and he totally deserves the extra loving. Sure, I carried our baby around inside my body for nine months (not to mention threw up four to five times a day during the first trimester), pushed him out (with no drugs), nursed him for 21 months despite six months of chronic plugged ducts and mastitis and stayed home to care for him these past years, but all along my husband and I have ordered our lives so that our son would be attached to both parents.

Even though I am the primary caregiver, my husband woke up during middle of the night feedings to change his diaper and rock him back to sleep when nursing didn’t do the trick. While other husbands came home and expected to put their feet up and be handed a glass of cold beer, my husband dived into the nitty gritty work of taking care of a young child — diapers, meals, baths, cutting so many finger and toenails, reading books and singing songs, trips to the park and walks around the neighborhood. When we could have lived in a house somewhere in the far-off suburbs and had my husband commute a couple hours to and from work, we made a point of living near his work so that he could spend more time with the kids even though that meant living in a condo in the city. And most mornings he tries to wake up around dawn so that he can be home in the afternoon when the kids wake up from their naps.

I’ve always been proud that my husband has worked so hard to involve himself when so many men pretty much check out from the harder work of raising children. I’m glad that both my husband and I have a close relationship with our son, but I just wish mine was still a little closer.

Because when my son starts talking about his day or what he wants for snack or what his teddy bear just said to him, it just won’t do if I respond. “Daddy! Daddy, I found a leaf today!” “Daddy, I want to eat crackers. No Mommy! Daddy! I want Daddy to give me crackers!” “Daddy, I need to go potty. No, no Mommy!” “Daddy, I love you!” “Daddy, don’t go to work!” “Mommy, go away. I want to play with Daddy.”

See what I mean?

It’s not as if he’s unhappy when his father’s at work. We play and laugh and cuddle and cry just like always, but before nap (or bedtime if my husband has to work late) he cries, “I miss Daddy!” And when Daddy’s home, I automatically get demoted to second fiddle.

I know this has something to do with the fact that my attention has been so split between him and his pesky little baby brother. When they’re both tired and fussing before bedtime, invariably I end up taking the baby to nurse and my husband ends up taking the older one to read bedtime stories. While I used to be able to give him my undivided attention, now I have to juggle the naps, feedings, diapers, potty trips and play of two children. All of it means that I spend less quality time with our three-year-old and more time saying, “Shhh!” and “I’ll play with you right after I put the baby to sleep.” and “Mommy’s so tired, maybe we can just read two books before naptime?” Perhaps it’s also developmentally normal for him to start favoring his father around this time. But it stings, this casting-off, even if I tell myself it’s normal and even temporary.

But aside from buying his love with ice cream for breakfast and toys in exchange for hugs and kisses, for now I’ll just have to console myself with the fact that I’m definitely No. 1 in our 7-month-old’s eyes. At least for now.

–Nina Moon, LOS ANGELES MOMS BLOG

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This is an original post from the Los Angeles Moms Blog (http://www.lamomsblog.com/). When Nina Moon isn’t competing with her husband for their children’s affection, she blogs at Kimchi Mamas (http://kimchimamas.typepad.com/) and with her husband at Charlie and Nina (http://charlieandnina.com/).

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