Dealing with an unromantic texter

Posted in 21st century parent
by Lorain County Moms

By Farrah, Chicago Moms Blog

What did we ever do without our cell phones? How did we check our e-mail at the red light or look up that recipe ingredient while at the grocery store or write clever Facebook status updates as soon as they come to our minds so as not to forget them later (maybe that is just me)? Sometimes I think I would be better off without it, more focused maybe. But then it makes that cute little “ding” that I have a text or an e-mail and my obsession continues.

One of the greatest things about my phone is the ability to send quick little text messages to friends or Hubby or my family. This may seem odd, but I am actually NOT a phone person in general. I do not like to talk on the phone. I get social-anxiety in a major way when presented with having to make or answer a phone call. Which is why I SO love texting. Short, to the point, and no anxiety about sounding dorky on the phone. It is so convenient to be able to send Hubby a quick reminder of X-Y-Z or jot a quick note to my sis or a friend about whatever. I am not one of those super-cool texters that knows all the short-cuts and abbreviations, though. I spell things out and try my best to convey mood and personality through my texts, especially when texting with my Hubby.

I may text him “don’t forget milk” or “when will you be home?” But just as often (ok, maybe a little less often), I text about what I am doing or how I am feeling. “It’s been a hard day with the boys. I am feeling kinda frustrated.” And the reply? “Leaving here in 15min. at normal time.”

Thanks dear. Love you too. I feel like I am often looking for some sort of emotion or compassion in his texts and all I seem to get is practicality. Not always, I guess. We have had some good exchanges where I felt heard and reached out to. But on the whole, my texts are looking for conversation and connection and his are all about basic info.

I am probably expecting too much from electronic communication, especially in this form. I said myself that texting is so quick and convenient and that is part of why I love it. But as a hopeless romantic and a wife/mother who would almost always rather be home with my family (with all of them home too), I am always left feeling a little short-changed after texting with Hubby. Maybe this speaks more about the amount of time we have to connect to each other in general than about our texting personalities.

We have two young kids and crazy work schedules so we admittedly have trouble finding quality time together. But I also think this is just one of those male vs. female differences in general. I am looking for connection, compassion, romance, feelings … and he is being pragmatic. I certainly don’t need anything more than “ok” when I am texting him about my last minute addition to the grocery list. But, when we are talking about other things a little less practical (like how the boys are if I’m at work or about my frustrating day), a little emotion and conversation would go a long way. At least throw in a smiley face now and then!

Maybe I should go back to using my phone for actual conversation, at least with Hubby. It might save me some let down from these little exchanges with my un-romantic texter.

This is an original Chicago Moms Blog post ( Farrah also blogs all about her family, the romantic and un-romantic, at BabyLove Slings. You can also find her creating mommy community at DupageMamas.

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