Happy to be a stay-at-home mom — even if it wasn’t by choice

Posted in Stay-at-home-Moms
by Kendra Green

Why do I freeze every time someone asks me what I do or who my employer is? It really should not be a hard question to answer, but it is one I struggle with everyday. My dilemma is quite simple. Am I a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM), or am I unemployed? Can I be both?

Here are the facts. On January 2, 2009, I was no longer employed. Was it by choice: no. Nice way to start a New Year, huh? So on January 5, 2009, I got up as I always did when I was employed and made my husband coffee and a lunch to take to work. But instead of packing a diaper bag for the sitter, or taking a shower and putting on work attire, I brushed my teeth, my hair, and sat and played with my kids. As the day went on, I looked on some job boards for a new job and even sent my resume out. But I also cleaned the house top to bottom and cuddled with my kids.

As the days, weeks, and months went on I developed a schedule for cleaning, grocery shopping, and activities. I began printing out calendars for the refrigerator to keep track of all of our comings and goings. I enrolled my son in swim lessons — during the day! I scheduled doctor’s appointments on any day of the week at any time. My stomach didn’t get in knots if one of my kids woke up with a runny nose because I was not worried if the baby sitter would keep them or not. I took the kids on walks, we went to parks, we visited daddy for lunch. And, I continued to look for a job and send resumes out.

And here it is 15 months later and not much has changed. I have a routine down. I wake up by 7, start the coffee, and pack a lunch for my husband. We kiss and hug him goodbye at 7:30 and then it’s time for breakfast and getting dressed. We make the beds and do the dishes. Then, depending on what day of the week it is, we do a chore — clean the bathroom, mop, vacuum. It just depends on the day. By 9:30 the first load of laundry is in. Somewhere in there I jump on the computer and catch up with the world by checking Facebook and the local news Web sites. I comb through all the e-mailed coupons and special offers that filled my inbox as I was sleeping. Then it’s time to play. We play with the Little Tikes kitchen, with baby dolls, with Lincoln Logs, with any or all of the thousand toys my children have been blessed with! We have lunch by 12 then quiet-time at 1. (I say quiet-time, because for some reason my children rarely nap anymore!) Quiet-time starts with me taking a shower, if I haven’t had one yet. Then, it is time for me to search the job boards. And that is when my struggle begins.

See, during the routine of the morning I am perfectly comfortable and happy to be at home with my kids. However, I continue to search the job boards, but every time I find a job that interests me, and I apply for it, the application asks my current profession, and I do not know what to put. I do not like considering myself as unemployed because I am not. I take care of my household and my kids. I have a schedule; I have duties and goals each day. They are measurable and they are rewarded in the best ways ever imagined. But yet, I can’t quite think of myself as a SAHM. Is it because I had no choice in the matter? Is it because I do still continue to look for work?

Let me just say now, that I would prefer to consider myself a SAHM. However, from a financial stand-point it is not feasible. And before you say, what do you mean, you have been fine for the last 15 months, let me add that I do receive an unemployment check each week that helps tremendously. However, I do not know what will happen when that is gone. And yet, in the grand scheme of things that does not bother me as much as the thoughts I have when I get a call back about a resume I have submitted. I immediately start to dread not spending the days with my kids. Or playing with them. Or having my house clean (I am not implying that working moms don’t keep their homes clean, I just know for me when I am working things get way out of hand around here). Or not being able to wake up and decide to visit a friend, go to the park, or head to the zoo without planning around days off. Or having to find and pay for child care again.

And yet, at the same time it is nice to imagine a time of two paychecks coming in to the house. Of having benefits like healthcare, dental, and retirement. (We are on Cobra still and I dread when that runs out) And as selfish as it sounds, I imagine having adult conversation, of not having to change diapers or clean up all day. And of being able to say without a doubt, “Hi, I work for __________________ as a __________________ .”

Although, saying “Hi, I work for my family as a SAHM” has a great ring to it!

Kendra lives in Elyria, Ohio with her wonderful husband, two children, and a dog that doesn’t get as much attention as it got before the kids arrived. She has a Bachelor’s in English from Bowling Green State University. In her spare time, when she gets it, she loves to read and scrapbook.