By Jennifer K, New Jersey Moms Blog
If you know me well enough, you know the infamous night in my life often referred to as the “Am I Pretty Night.”
The Am I Pretty Night happened after I had downed a few Long Island ice teas at a place called Fatso’s (if you were/are a party girl living in Northern New Jersey you know the place). That week, I had just broken up with the guy I thought was the “love of my life,” and to add insult to injury, I was not gaining the attention of any of the eligible men that graced the bar that night.
As friend after friend hopped up on the bar dancing with any man that would buy them a drink, I began to get more bitter and drunk as the time passed. After my fourth or fifth potent cocktail, I locked myself in the bathroom and began to cry “am I pretty?” Friend after friend assured me that, “yes, of course you are pretty.” I eventually came out the bathroom somewhat believing my friends and nursed a mean hangover the next day.
While my friends laugh and so do I at the thought of that night, recently I have been feeling like that college girl locked in a bathroom asking myself “am I pretty?”
I will start off by saying in no way do I think I am a model or some drop-dead gorgeous gal that men’s mouths fall-open when I pass by but I will say that I am decent. However, lately, I have been feeling that my prettiest days are behind me. No longer will a man say I am “hot” and that depresses me a bit.
Not that there were a ton of men that were lining up saying that, but every now and then when I put a real effort behind my looks I have gotten the hot-thing. I look in the mirror now and think that last year was my turning point. The wrinkles and body sagging are just too much to handle these days. Someone who has always loved the mirror, I often find myself looking away in disgust. Becoming a mother didn’t help my looks either, it took a toll on my body like I could never have imagined. Not even sure if I categorize as a MILF now?
I swore up and down that I wouldn’t be the sweatpants mom but I do get the appeal these days. Before I was a mom, I would never be caught dead in pair of sweatpants outside of the gym. And speaking of gym, what gym?! I praise the mother who finds time to work-out. If I want to fit in sleep, it just seems impossible.
I go much longer between hair and waxing appointments than I ever have in my life. Let’s just say, “welcome to the jungle” may come to mind when seeing me naked. As I type this entry looking at my chipped nails, I want to drink a few Long Island ice teas and lock myself in my work bathroom and cry to all the younger girls at my agency asking, “am I pretty?” Of course, I won’t do it and not because I would be known as the nut bag VP, but because I am afraid of what their answers might be.
The other day, of all places, I was the bathroom getting ready for the day. As I was brushing my hair, my son came in, looked at me and said, “Mommy, you are beautiful.”
To answer the question, “am I pretty?” No, I am not. According to my son, I am beautiful and I will take beautiful over pretty any day of the week. I came out the bathroom loving my son, being a mom and myself again. Thank you, Benjamin.
This is an original post from the New Jersey Moms Blog (http://www.newjerseymomsblog.com). You can also find Jennifer talking about fading looks on her blog The Kamienski Chronicles.