Helping your child change or break bad habits

Posted in Mom Stuff
by Lorain County Moms

By Priscilla J. Dunstan, McClatchy-Tribune

The New Year is a time when we start new habits, review old and also aim to help our children do the same. Often in young children it is moving from comfort behaviors and items and into more socially acceptable ones. Moving away from these items and behaviors is something that often causes stress between a child and their family. Using a transitional approach rather than an all-or-nothing approach can help to make the process easier, quicker and less traumatic.

Tactile children tend to have comfort habits focused around touch and can be very firm about what they will and won’t do, so it’s best to approach them in a compromising way, under the guise of growing up. Rather than simply taking away their blanky, perhaps they would settle for a “big boys” blanky, one that can easily fit in their pocket but has the texture of their original. Or if they are willing, just a corner of their blanky. Maybe a keychain-sized Elmo will be acceptable for them to travel with instead of the pillow-sized one. In the case of hair twirling, a small pocket-size hair piece. Remind your child to use the smaller articles when they start to feel anxious, but keep on hand the old items for use at home if need be. Remember to praise a good habit, but try to be patient with the old habit.

Visual children’s comfort habits tend to be around how things look. Your child might insist on only wearing pink, or only eating from a red dinner plate. When the child is very small, we might choose to accommodate this desire, but eventually the day will come when we will need to teach them to be more adaptable and accommodating with their visual wants. We can do this by drawing attention to smaller details and smaller items. They may not be wearing a pink sweater but they are wearing a pink hair ribbon, or they may not be able to eat off the red plate but they have a red napkin. When it comes to habits like nose picking, rocking, etc, try making a video of the behavior, and laughing gently together while watching it can work wonders.

Auditory children will be listening for comfort. Noises that they can hear and make themselves like rubbing their hands, flicking or tapping different surfaces or speaking in a funny voice. This can be very grating to the people around them, as too can the well-known auditory child’s whine. Often at this young age these habits have simply become an unconscious cause and effect. An annoying sound has always got your attention when nothing else will. Do your best to ignore the behavior you want to change and reward the behavior you like. If they call you in a nice voice, you will come, but your ears can’t hear things said in a winey voice. Sometimes your auditory child won’t realize their habit of whining; in this case taping their voice to let her listen will solve this problem.

Taste and smell children will be attached to one special item only. This child will have a monogamous relationship with her blanky, stuffed toy or binky. They will often attach feelings and emotions to their special items, believing that their binky will get lonely if it’s on its own, or their teddy will be sad if it can’t come to playgroup. Breaking an emotional habit with these children is about catering to your child’s empathetic self. The quickest, easiest solution is to give the object a friend. The stuffed toy stays at home, with another stuffed toy, so they can play together and not get lonely. The binky is tired so it needs to have a sleep at home with its mom, the blanket. Reward the transition with something small and special, perhaps a bracelet, a key ring or a watch.

Breaking habits isn’t easy for any of us, especially those that make up feel better. By moving slowly and replacing the only with a new better option you will help make the transition easier for your child.

Priscilla J. Dunstan is a child and parenting behavior expert and consultant and the author of “Child Sense.” Learn more about Priscilla and her parenting discoveries at www.childsense.com.