Another milestone, another headache

My daughter can read: the end of my life as I know it.

It’s over. My kid can now read. Okay, not Tolstoy or even Nancy Drew but “I just saw your profile and you seem really nice” or “I need to up my meds,” yeah, that, THAT she’s all over.

Now you’d think I’d be thrilled my little baby can read and if it were to help me to somehow make my life as a mother easier, I would say, “Yay, great” but my emails? I’m starting to think I should have let her repeat another year of pre-school. I wear my heart on my sleeve and the filter on my mouth got lost somewhere in the birth canal, so the way I’ve dealt with it since my child was born, was to write and spell everything.

Oh no, is it time for the MOM JEANS?

All of my pants are low rise. Not show the tip of my crack when I sit or squat low rise, but on the hips most definitely. This did not used to be a problem. Even though I have long considered myself to carry a little extra weight around my middle, I never needed to skip the low rise pants until now.

Another day, another chunk of time wasted, standing in front of my full length mirror, trying to find a shirt that would help disguise the muffin top ballooning out the top of my jeans. After the fifth shirt, it occurred to me,

“Hey. I don’t need a different shirt, I need different pants. If these jeans would just come up a little higher …”

I began to tug them up my waistline a bit until the...

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Multipe Moms Madness: Kate Plus 8 Versus Octomom

I have watched the TLC reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8” (a family consisting of older twins and younger sextuplets) for the last year or so. As a mom of twins and an older sibling, I related to their challenges. I appreciated that Jon & Kate Gosselin showed the not so perfect side of parenting by losing their cool now and then. I reveled when they would discuss that with multiples there is always someone unhappy at any given moment, which describes my daily struggles. I stood up for Kate Gosselin when many said she was too controlling because the kids all looked well fed, dressed and overall happy. I saw the way Kate took care of the sextuplets when they were babies and thought that her nursing skills were very helpful in treating the kids ailments. I...

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Overscheduled kids? No, overscheduled mom

A mom friend told me she was feeling kind of rundown recently, then asked how I was feeling. When I said I was tired, my friend perked up and said that she thinks it is something in the water. “I know a lot of moms who feel kind of frumpy. It has to be the water.” I laughed until I realized she was serious. I tried to explain that I think the tired, stretched-thin feeling comes with the job. Moms have a lot to juggle: kid activities, work (inside or out of the home) and a disproportionate amount of household chores, to name a few. Short of round-the-clock nannies, it’s hard to imagine feeling rested until the kids are sent off to college.

A lot is made of the downside of overscheduling kids, and rightly so, as the benefits of play are...

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Clothes make the girl

Bright pink socks with little yellow flowers. That was the first thing that caught my eye as my daughter came downstairs the other morning, all dressed and ready to walk to school with me. She was wearing turquoise capri leggings that ended about 6 inches above her ankle, leaving her calf-length socks visible in all their fuschia glory. I ventured tentatively, “You know, I don’t think you’re supposed to wear capri leggings with long socks.” Her response: “Of course you are! How else am I going to show off my socks?”

My daughter has always had a style all her own. From the time she could talk, she would insist on different-colored socks (“Yellow! Pink!”). I know most toddlers go through this stage, but at the ripe old age of 8, she...

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Dear husband …

Dear Husband,

Can you please stop with the damn “eat your food” tirades at the kids at meal time? We offer them healthy food for the most part and forcing them to clean their plate just makes everyone miserable. They are not going to starve themselves. I promise. They will eventually like vegetables if we keep just putting it in front of them and talking about how yummy they are. You are making family dinner no fun at all for our Silicon Valley family.

I know it’s frustrating when they don’t eat, but the yelling and bribery is not working. Stop putting so much focus on what they eat and I guarantee you will notice a difference. Denying them a glass of milk until they finish their dinner is just silly.

Good-bye pajamas, Hello work from home

Late last year I started a new role at the software company where I work. The role was a global one requiring early morning conference calls with London and late night calls with India or Hong Kong. I didn’t mind the change in the schedule because the job came with one special perk. I could work from home as much as I wanted. Being on a global team meant crazy hours, but those hours were flexible and fit perfectly into my busy life a working mom.

So I’ve been working from home. A lot. As in practically every day. Ever since I became a mom nearly five years ago, I’ve demanded to have a flexible work schedule. I’ve always negotiated for working from home days and a core schedule where I got to decide whether to start...

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A father puts the `F’ in FDIC

My daughter recently asked what she should do with some money she’s been saving these past few months. As a teen she makes the most of her limited income opportunities. She occasionally babysits, referees soccer games (mainly for gas money), saves money received from gifts, and pulls down allowance and chore money in both her mom’s house and dad’s house. (And she didn’t get a $20 billion end-of-year bonus.)

Her mom and I are divorced, and while we do our best to co-parent amicably, we do have different views on money, and offer our kids different guidance. Their mom is all about being a conscientious consumer. She has the kids buy their own clothes, pay for sports equipment and pet supplies, and put aside whatever’s left over for a...

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Jedi don’t pick their noses

I always planned on speaking cheerful, positively constructed words of guidance to my children — never making “no” statements, but rather describing what actions they should take instead, making encouraging conversation, and never letting slip a snarky comment. That, of course, was before I became the mother of small boys. Here are words I never thought would come out of my mouth.

10. Don’t lick that railing.

9. Don’t pick your nose.

8. Don’t lick your brother.

7. That bag is not a toy.

6. That’s a big poop. Good job.

5. Bye-bye, poop.

4. If you lick that cookie, that’s the one you...

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Operation cry-it-out has commenced

Last night marked the beginning of Operation Cry-It-Out in the Maynard household. And boy are we tired. But the Operation must continue and failure is NOT an option.

Our first child is and always has been a sleeping champ, so sleep training was never a necessity. Then baby No. 2 arrived. Actually, she was sleeping 12 hours a night by the time she was 4 months old. Then, when she was 8 months, we went on a monthlong vacation. She shared a room with us while we were away and it was the beginning of the end. The kid has not been able to get through the night since.

We have been planning to sleep train her for months … but something always comes up. We have company in town. It’s the holidays. She gets sick. Well, last...

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